Devoted Beauty Schooled readers know I have a total blog crush on Kate of Eat the Damn Cake. If you don’t know that, you should A) check out her blog, especially the Cake Gallery and B) check out this great post she did for me awhile ago.

But come right on back here, because in lieu of our usual Pretty Price Checking (suspended due to me being off the grid somewhere and thus out of touch on anything Price Check related — update me on what I missed in the comments, cool?), we’ve got Kate guest posting!

And I love this post first because it enabled me to do a Google search on the phrase “Transvestite Barbie” and find you the amazingness featured above. And second because I think a lot of us can relate to Kate’s struggle to look like herself and yet also beautiful in that Big Life Moment special occasion kinda way. It’s really the same struggle we go through daily (look like ourselves, yet also like some approximation of Pretty, whether that was defined by TV, the beauty industry, your women’s studies class, your mom, whatever). But with lots of extra wedding day pressure.

So here’s Kate. She’s handling it all swimmingly.

The salesman in the formal wear department asked me who designed my gown. I couldn’t remember. We were shopping for my mother’s dress for my wedding. She found a gorgeous one. She asked about hair and makeup. What did he recommend? He looked at me. “Well, where is your daughter going?”

I shook my head slowly. “Um,” I said. “I don’t know.”

He raised his eyebrows, a kind, but bemused smile flickering on his lips. “And when is the wedding?”

Very soon.

The truth is, I’m a little afraid. I’m scared of makeup. And I don’t like my hair. I don’t wear makeup. I don’t do anything with my hair. And I’m not saying that in the “I’m proud of it! I till the land all day, every day, and there’s no time on the farm for prettifying myself” way. It’s not a statement. It just is.

But certain occasions call for different behavior. I don’t wear a giant white dress every day. And I’d like my hair to look a little better than it’s ordinary state of indecision with some curls on the side.

This will be the second time in my life that I’ll get my hair and makeup done for a specific event. The first time was last year, when I dressed up for my fiancé’s company dinner. I wanted to look like the kind of sexy, stylish Manhattan woman who might go to such a stylish Manhattan event. In order to look like this sort of woman, I apparently needed a lot of makeup. Or at least, that’s what the stylist in charge of my appearance for the evening seemed to think. She straightened my hair, and made it do something poofy and impressively weightless. And then she put so many layers of makeup on my face that even the most majestically proportioned of pimples would have been unable to peek its head above the surface. And as she worked, I was transformed. From an ordinary looking young woman with slightly awkward features and ambivalent hair to…..transvestite Barbie! Or so I appeared to myself in the mirror.

A man was having his hair cut in the chair next to mine, and after my transformation both he and the male stylist working on him looked up and exclaimed, “You look beautiful!”

I was faintly disturbed, but also sort of proud of my ability to successfully look nothing like myself. I felt confident, walking into the party. Transvestite Barbie was totally comfortable in five-inch heels. She did this sort of thing all the time.

So that was my only experience with the whole hair and makeup deal. And the problem is, as confident as I’d like to be on my wedding day, I’d like to be confident as myself. And I’d like to at least resemble myself physically while I’m doing that.  And it seems more difficult than one might expect to find someone who can, with a big event in mind, put some makeup on your face and do something pretty to your hair without making you look dramatically different. I know this despite only having had that one experience. I know it from looking at other people’s wedding photos. There is this thing that is always done to their hair. Parts of it are straightened and slicked down, and other parts are tortured into fat, dangling curls. And most of it is pulled up into a shiny bun-like state. As though to prove that something special is going on here, because no one could ever have hair that was simultaneously bone-straight and voluptuously curly.

“See?” This hair says clearly. “I’m getting married! It’s a really big deal!”

I think my dress will probably give all that away. And also, you know, the wedding ceremony. And the tables with the flower arrangements. And the toasts. There will be a lot of clues. My hair can stay out of it. But not completely out of it.

So there’s the quandary.

And I’m writing this guest post for Virginia in the hopes that she will give me advice, and possibly even come put makeup on me herself, because she understands how these things work.

Makeup is a mystery to me, and so is the art of doing things to one’s hair. But on some of the most important occasions life presents, hair and makeup play an important role (at least for many women). I feel uneasy, realizing that something I understand and trust so little will impact every photo taken of me on a huge day like my wedding, and continue to impact the way my family views and remembers me, even long after I’m dead and can no longer draw breath to complain about lipstick and those scary, scary straightening irons my friends endanger their lives with daily.

[Photo: Transgender Barbie via this guy, who has all sorts of awesome Barbies that never made it. Collect them all!]

Here’s the lovely photo gallery that Siobhan and Alexandra put together of all 72 of us in all of our air-dried glory:

Kind of totally rad, right?

I’ve also been digging reading about other bloggers’ experiences with the challenge (like here’s Kendra the Skin Detective and Amy of Things We Make). But I was kind of surprised to see the discussion going on over at Sephora’s Beauty and the Blog, where the general sentiment seems to be, Pooh! What challenge? Says blogger Jenna Mahoney:

Is this really that shocking? I’ve been—shh—known to skip the shampoo, brush and dryer before showing up at the office. I’ve also attended black tie events with a mere scrunch and toss. Those days were thanks to an awesome cut or the power of an elastic band. So your term to chime in: Is this challenge actually a dare?

The commenters are all amen-ing that and talking about how they wouldn’t touch a curling iron with a ten foot pole anyway, so what’s the big deal. Which is freeing on the one hand, if even the Beauty Mecca that is Sephora is endorsing the less is more policy. But I find it a little curious because I just checked and yup, Sephora.com still lists 140 styling products for sale, not to mention 29 heat styling tools. Because it’s not out of nowhere that we’ve gotten all hyped up on heat styling and curl creams — that smooth, bouncy blow-out look is pretty much the gold standard when it comes to hair. Some seasons it’s straighter, some seasons it’s curlier, but it’s always super styled.

And, I’ll just say it: I fricking love a good blow-out. My summer TV addiction has been Pretty Little Liars because OMG, the hair. I don’t care how genetically blessed you are, or what crazy amounts of omega-3s you’re consuming, you cannot achieve this:

Without a hell of a lot of time, tools, and chemicals. (Also extensions.)

Which is why I was totally up for this challenge — because I guess I’m just not as evolved as those Sephora commenters and I knew it would take me out of my beauty comfort zone to go cold turkey on my unholy trio of curl defining gel, frizz-fighting Moroccan oil, and shine spray.

And I admit, I was not all that psyched about the amount of frizz that popped up on day one of no products. By day two, I was digging it more because my natural hair oils smoothed things out — but by day three, I was so oily (the natural kind) that I had to wash my hair, and then I was back to frizzy square one again.

But then something funny happened: I semi-fell off the wagon, washed my hair and added a little product and let it air dry. And pretty much the same amount of frizz popped up as when I was product-free. And on day two it looked better, and by day three, I needed to wash it.

So my revelation wasn’t that my hair was sooo glorious when I just let it be. Alas. My epiphany came from going back on the product and realizing that even with all that crap, my hair is just my hair. It’s great — but kinda frizzy in the summer.

Because if that’s the case, then maybe it’s being constantly locked in this epic frizz/styling battle that is the insane part. It’s not like frizz is fatal. Don’t get me wrong — I still think Pretty Little Liar hair is bloody fantastic. But this is one of those times where it’s hard to tell where the beauty world’s anti-frizz propaganda ends and my own genuine preference for shiny popular girl locks begins.

And if I’m not even sure why I like a hairstyle so much, I’m not sure it makes much sense to spend a lot of time, money and chemicals failing to obtain it.

You know, except on fancy days.

But now, here’s something else nice and hopeful and also way more fun: The No More Dirty Looks Summer Hair Challenge!

Your mission, from Siobhan and Alexandra:

Some time in the next week, when you get up in the morning, shower, shampoo and condition your hair using nontoxic natural products, comb it when you get out of the shower, and that’s it. Once it’s dry, send us a pic.

(Wow, I just realized that I should have been using the pink font, like way more often around here.)

The goal is to see what your hair does once you get all the toxic crap out of it and just let it be, you know, your hair. They seem pretty convinced you’re going to be delighted. At the very least, it’s however many tablespoons full of icky chemicals that you’ll be skipping that day. (Or week. I’m on Day 2 right now, and I’m here to tell you, you will experience some frizz at first. Especially if you’re in the Northeast heat wave, like me.)

Full details on the challenge here, plus product suggestions, and Siobhan’s inspirational hair story, to get you motivated. (Though, as a more curly-haired person, I’m really waiting on Alexandra to share her tale.)

Good times!

• 15: The number of extra pounds that Christina Hendricks is happy to keep around. According to yet another fricking interview with her about how much she loves her body. In Health Magazine this time. A) Of course she loves her body. Look. At. Her. B) Does anyone, ever, want to ask this poor woman questions about, oh I don’t know, acting? Maybe she has a neat hobby or two? (Via DoubleX.)

• 6: The number of pounds that Health thinks you can lose in seven days. If you are not Christina Hendricks and thus not allowed to enjoy a single ounce of extra weight. Oops. (Also via DoubleX)

• 10 percent: The amount of the industry-dreaded tan tax, which went into effect yesterday, just in time for your 4th of July glow. Republicans are hopping mad. (Via Alternet.)

• 25 percent: of women don’t want to leave the house when they’re having a bad hair day. Thank God that’s from a study commissioned by Proctor & Gamble. Bet they’ll know just what to do about it. (Via Modern Salon.)

MUST WATCH: This video where Josie Maran demonstrates her sexy pose. Because I just don’t know what to make of it. Squinty eyes? Keeping your mouth close to your shoulder? Modeling is weird.

MUST READ: No More Dirty Looks: The Truth about Your Beauty Products — and the Ultimate Guide to Safe and Clean Cosmetics. GOOD Features Editor Siobhan O’Connor and her journalist friend Alexandra Spunt had an epiphany over $400 Brazilian Blowouts — and realized that the stinky chemical turning their hair to cornsilk was everybody’s favorite carcinogen, formaldehyde. This book and the related blog do a great job of walking you through all the eco-health issues in your bathroom cabinets and offering safer alternatives (that still work). We like that. We like it a whole lot.

AND FYI: I’ll be taking Monday off from blogging to recover from my fireworks hangover. We’re on Beauty U Summer Break next week (hooray!) so blogging may be a bit spotty for that reason too. But I’ve got a few good posts in the works so do stop by and say hi.

• 37 percent: How much more likely you are to develop an early form of liver cirrhosis if you dye your hair (compared to women who go au naturel) says a new study published in the international gastroenterology journal The Gut. (Via The StyleList.)

• 18: The new minimum age for tanning beds in New York State, if the “Teen Tanning Ban” passes. (Via Shine.) Poor (hopefully skin cancer-free) teens. There’s always beet tanning, lovelies. Yes for real.

• 100% certified wind power is what Aveda is using to manufacture all their products these days. They’re also doing great on the charitable donations and the recycled packaging front. How’s about taking out some toxic chemicals, my friends? (Via what I am pretty sure is just a press release on Technorati)

• 6 lightening creams contained mercury (out of a sample of 50) in a recent Chicago Tribune investigation. Wow, the list of reasons not to use those just keeps getting longer. (Via BellaSugar.)

Favorite New Blog: Before You Were Hot. “Because every swan was once an ugly duckling.” I know, I know — you might think that a site where people post photos of themselves during their awkward years (yes, braces, bad bangs, and all) wouldn’t jive with my whole “love yourself the way you are” ethos. Um, you would be wrong. Braces and bad bangs are hilarious. Not taking our appearances so damn seriously is a Very Good Thing.

And, as creators Anne and Melissa say on their about page: “This is all in good spirits, like ‘we were all in this awkward phase together.’” Love, love, love.

[Photo: "A Vacuum Used as a Hair Dryer" via Flickr where all the other info is in German, so I can tell you nothing more.]

Avon CEO Andrea Jung can buy as many ponies as she wants.

• $7.1 million: How much Avon CEO Andrea Jung earned in 2009. It’s down 64 percent from 2008, when, apparently, she was paid all the money in the whole world. (Via Google News.)

• $100: The average weekly pay of your local Mary Kay or Avon lady. (Via ABCNews.)

• 19: The age of UK hair stylist Jenny Mitchell, who died March 9th when she lit a cigarette while driving, and it caused a bottle of hair dye (containing hydrogen peroxide) to explode, engulfing her car in flames. Horrendous is really the only word I’ve got for that. (Via The Guardian.)

• $1.8 billion: How much the state of Michigan expects to bring in each year if they add a proposed “haircut tax.” (Via BellaSugar.)

[Photo: Avon.]

On Tuesday, I told you about American Apparel instructing female employees on eyebrow grooming. Now, bellasugar is reporting on two cases where elementary school children are in trouble over their hair. A Milwaukee first-grade teacher cut off one of 7-year-old LMya Cammon’s braids when the little girl wouldn’t stop twirling them in class (video above). And 4-year-old Taylor Pugh has in-school suspension in Mesquite, TX because the school says his hair is too long for prekindergarten.

So, what I want to know (and haven’t seen any of the news coverage asking):

A) Would the Milwaukee school teacher think it’s okay to cut the hair of a twirling-prone white student?

B) Does Mesquite, Texas have the same hair length rule for all students, regardless of gender?

I’m guessing no on both.

As I’ve been spreading the word about Beauty Schooled over the last few weeks, I’ve been noticing that the initial reaction of many folks is to laugh: Beauty school! So fun! Placenta in face cream, whaaat?! It helps that I happen to be hilarious and that a lot of what we talk about here is on the silly side (I know, sperm facials, I know). But part of why they’re laughing is because “those people who buy into that crap,” as in the women who splurge on $300 face creams or crave eyelash extensions or put their children in beauty pageants, seem somehow completely alien to us. They must be less intelligent or more insecure than all of us New York Times-reading, leg wax-eschewing enlightened types. And I’ll admit, I’ve marched in that parade myself a time or two.

But even with just six weeks down, this I know is true: Everyone but everyone buys into beauty standards, some way, somehow. If you own a lipstick, shave your legs, wear clothes, or tend to like people who do those things, you cannot consider yourself immune to the desires and messages of the Beauty Industrial Complex. And that’s not always a bad thing. We need to explore all the shades of gray here to figure out our own personal set of standards for what’s delightful or necessary and what crosses that line over to absurd or offensive.

But we also need to remember that no matter how examined our viewpoint, those standards of beauty bleed over into the way we perceive the world. And so, so quickly, they can turn into character judgments, into gender rules, into racism, into this world where a first-grade teacher grabs the scissors when she finds a black girl’s braids “distracting,” or a little boy needs a more masculine haircut to go to recess. What’s more, all of our preconceived notions and societal hang-ups about such issues help write the very beauty rules we’re dissecting here — the crazy ones that we can’t believe anyone really follows, and the not-so-crazy ones that just seem like good common sense. The differences between them aren’t always so stark.

So yes. This is about lip gloss, this is about popping zits, this is about saying, “Whaaat, sperm facials?!” Beauty is often best when we don’t take it too seriously. But when there are repercussions like these? I’m not laughing.

Don’t hate Cheryl Cole because she’s beautiful. You could have her hair too, if you’re willing to shell out for extensions. Alas, this photo isn’t from an ad for extensions — it’s from an ad for L’Oreal Elvive Full Restore 5 shampoo and conditioner, as in shampoo and conditioner that you’re supposed to use to wash the hair that grows naturally out of your own head, reports Times of London (via Jezebel).

Well now. That’s just awkward.